It's not surprising that kids can have a very hard time adjusting to having an immediate family member or close family friend being in the hospital, and in some ways, even more so if recovery is extended to the home setting. Why? Hospitals are rife with IV poles, hospital gowns, nurses, doctors, pumps, machines, and all of that other "hospital stuff." It makes sense for the hospital to be that way, after all, that's where you go when you are sick, and you stay there until you are well enough to go home. End of story. Except, in some cases it is not "end of story,"it's the middle.
Either way, not many people have an IV pole or hospital bed in their living room. Or, if you were, for instance, in a wheelchair for a child's whole life, they don't know anything different, so they are already acclimated. But if, for example, you are someone they are accustomed to see walking, then seeing you in a wheelchair at home can be overwhelming. Frankly, that can be overwhelming for many adults too.
The solution? If only it were that cut and dry! There is no solution, but I've learned a few things over the years as a caregiver, professional, and the one recovering. Such tips include:
a) Tell children to ask any question(s) they want (but only if they want to),
b) Tell parents to stop telling their kids that they shouldn't ask questions (especially if you've just said the child is welcome to do so!). As an aside I'll say that I actually find it more awkward when people urge their kids "Don't stare" or "Don't ask that" in a hushed and urgent tone.
c) Should a child wish to touch something like an IV line, a pump, or something else (obviously not a wound or the like), do so together (so you can control it in order to avert disaster, LOL!, and also to help them feel less intimidated)
d) A dab will do you in terms of info. If they want to know why you have a feeding tube for example, then a good answer might be, because I need to eat just like you do, but my throat doesn't work well. Usually, that's all they want and/or need.
e) Don't do or say anything to make them scared or worried about you. They're kids. Sounds like common sense I know, but if common sense was actually common we'd all just call it sense.
So where does the bunny come into the discussion? Right now. The tips above are helpful, but not all of the time, and certainly not helpful if the child is a toddler. I've learned (entirely accidentally), what helps toddlers become unafraid… A stuffed animal. Not just any stuffed animal, but a cute one that is affixed to your intimidating accessory. My niece and nephew - Ms. D and Mr. A - gave me a bunny to hug and love when I came home from a long hospital stay. They were both in their teens at the time, and it was a very sweet gift. I wanted to see it all of the time so that I could be especially reminded of them in that hard time - it buoy's the spirit in a huge way. In the end, Mr. Bunny has served me very well, and many little ones who've come through the door too. Who knew he'd be such a powerful ambassador of "it's ok, don't be scared-ness"?
One last tip: as you will see below, Mr. Bunny has Velcro in his ears, which makes it possible to hang him on the IV pole, while making him removable for the kids to play with (and I've since seen a lot of monkeys, bears, and other stuffed animals with the Velcro features). When kids are being held by Mom or Dad, their eyes gravitate to Mr. Bunny, and then they want to touch him and play with him. Since they have to get close to the potentially intimidating item, they soon get used to - and even want to - touch the IV pole, and the pump, etc. Before long, most of the little ones start to go straight to that bunny - they gravitate to the pole, like it's always been there and is supposed to be there, because that's where the bunny lives.
It's crazy to me that something so little seems to stop fear in its tracks… but time and time again, we noticed the pattern (and, as I mentioned totally accidentally at that!). Who knew that giving me "somebunny" to love would have such a big impact on so many wee ones, and thus for me too? Thanks again Ms. D and Mr. A, I love you bunches, and great job too!
Happy Hugging!
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