Tip #99 Bibs and Bobs; Christmas Prep II: Shop with No Drop

    Yes, I know it's supposed to be "Shop till you drop" not "with no drop," but my best guess is that you already have dropped.  Well, you know what I mean… If you are someone who is recovering at home or caregiving for someone thereof, there are many barriers to celebrating the holidays, and for celebrating others too. Part I of Christmas Prep (click here) talks about our expectations about Christmas and prioritizing that which is most special as well as some ideas about how we celebrate it (and how we communicate with loved ones about how we celebrate it).
     Today's post, (Part II of Christmas Prep) addresses other ways to buy presents from home for those of you who do exchange gifts. Being 100% bedridden for the last few years, I have had to be creative about doing my Christmas shopping. Well, but, bedridden or not, if you are healing or taking care of a loved on (or both), your ability to go out and about may be compromized, and getting around a large mall can be near to impossible at times. Given that, here are a few general tips about shopping on line:

• Before ordering anything online, check the 
• Site Location: Are you on the right site? I've been on amazon.com instead of amazon.ca (US vs. Canada), gotten excited about my purchase, and then realized that I couldn't get it in Canada. 
• Delivery Time: Will it get there in time for Christmas  (sometimes it's in the fine print), and does that still apply if you live in a rural location (another lesson learned….)
• Delivery Fees: A lot of companies will advertise free delivery, but sometimes this only applies to:
• Gifts reaching a target total (free if you spend $35 or more…)
• Gifts with a certain criteria of availability (if you want the packages of your multiple package order to arrive as the items are available it's free, but if you want it all at once, it's not (and sometimes it's the reverse that's true)).
• People who select that option. I'm sorry to say I've fallen prey to this a couple of times. I'm excited that my order "qualifies" for free shipping, but when we get to the part about shipping, I don't actually select this shipping version, and so I end up with a delivery cost.
• Delivery Specifics: For us, packages arrive at the post office, and the post office is only open at certain times (we live in a rural location). So, although someone guarentees they can get it to you for the 24th, is your post office open on the 24th?
• Delivery Progress: Can you track the delivery online? It's reassuring to know where it is! 
• Return Policies: Make sure:
• You know who is supposed to pay the postage for something you have to return; you or them?
• For many products if you open the box, but don't like what you got, it is not returnable. It's only returnable if you haven't open the box, or you have and the product is defective.
• If you've paid any other way than by VISA or MasterCard, make sure that it does not effect your ability to get a return
• Payment Method: Do you trust the site in question? Do you trust your computer's security abilities? A good idea is to set up a PayPal account or something similar (so you are not giving each and every vendor your credit card). It's very easy, very secure, and quick to set up.
• Places to consider ordering: I've had success with all of the following:
• Amazon (Again, just make sure you're on the site for the country in which you live)
• Super speedy delivery
• Free delivery options
• Lots of variety (not just books!)
• Gifts for all price points
• Certificates available
• Blurb (a fun and easy to use photo book company)
• Very reasonable prices
• Your photos, arranged by you, or by them, or electronically (instantly)
• Speedy affordable delivery
• Great price points, lots of options
• Certificates available
• Choccreate (Amazing chocolate bars that you design, they make) I love this!!
• Small company with great personal touch
• Good quality chocolates, and you add fruits, spices, even bacon….)
• Very affordable, very yummy, very unique
• Great delivery times
• Certificates available
• Old Navy (Clothing Store)
• This is new to me and I just ordered, and it was great
• Lots of great sale sections
• Free delivery options
• Great price points
• Infants and up
• Apple (If you are just tuning in, I'm an apple-a-holic)
• Lots of selection, though a lot of it expensive!
• Great delivery
• Staples (yep, the office supply store)
• Geeks like me love office supplies
• Cute little girl gifts (like a stick-it-note pad that is pink, and hanging out a a purse, which doubles as a paperweight)
• Lots of candy gifts (especially nice at Christmas!)
• Love their delivery, return, and speedy service!
• Lots of games for the gamers in your life

     So, there you have it. Yes, I know some of those sites are common to many, and yet I am constantly amazed that so many people I know are intimidated about ordering online, or who have never considered that doing so is an option. I have also been told that some of it stems from not knowing someone who has been to that particular site, or shopped online at all and succeeded. Fair enough. But, sometimes it's worth it to try - just mind the pitfalls noted above wherever you shop.  In my experience, the stores above have been fantastic - you just have to think out of the box a bit (like getting a little girl present at an office supply store). 

     Can you see why I say shop with no drop? It is truly possible to give unique gifts (I highly recommend blurb and choccreate for that), and the popular items that so many ask for too, without having to leave your house! That's my kind of shopping!

Happy ordering!

  

Tip #427 Wise Words Wednesday; The Power of the Past

Do you ever feel like you are defined by the serious illness and/or trauma that you or a loved one have experienced? It is easy to feel that way, and it is very common to feel that way too. Society has a habit of traveling to places like "Comparison Boulevard" where everyone is valued by their abilities (or lack thereof) rather than for who they are at their core. Not only do we often do this to each other, but we also do it to ourselves as well. Once we do that, we can find ourselves believing that that valuation is truly the case. Not good.
But, we can't go back and make all the trauma not happen, even though we stubbornly hate to admit it sometimes - like when we get stuck in the "if only" scenarios. I have caught myself saying "in my other life before the accident I could..." or "Well, back in real life..."
Whether you were a bus boy or the president, or a carpenter or a stockbroker, it is hard to escape the past. Whether it is hard because:
A) All the loss surrounding (and resulting from) the trauma itself is still ongoing or fresh in the mind for any reason
B) the inability to feel valued because others cannot see what you used to be able to do vs. What you can currently do, or may never be able to do again, or
C) the belief that you need to prove your worth to yourself because what you can offer the world is so different from that which you were either already doing or trying to do..... the result is unrest, unease, and heartache... We should not be defined by what we can or cannot do, but who we are. If only that was a more common thought.
I really believe that if we can only accept that our value is hinged to our performance, then whatever diminishes said performance (like trauma), makes it nearly (or entirely) impossible to move forward in big ways. You can't fix or change the past, and it's alreaddy had its " fun" with you, so why give it one more minute worth of a hold on you and your ability to move forward. And yes, i do know that's easier said than done - i have struggled with this myself on many occasions. I refuse to let it define me entirely, and it is only by faith that I am ever able to do so. It is not a walk in the park to choose this stance, but, for me at least, it is less painful in the grand scheme of things.
This quote says it all for me.

Your past is just a story. And once you realize this, It has no power over you. - Chuck Palahniuk

Happy overpowering!

Tip #457 Bibs and Bobs; Christmas Prep I: Great Expectations

     Here we are nearly at the end of November - how on earth did that happen? Know what that means? Well, if you're at home because you are recovering or caregiving for someone recovering, the end of November might mean something different to you than to someone else… and that might be stressing you out. And, that's not good. 

     Yes, of course we're talking about Christmas. I know that Christmas means something different to everyone, and that other cultures celebrate different things at different times, but I celebrate Christmas so I will speak to Christmas. For us, Christmas truly is the center of our faith (we believe Jesus was born on this day, for the whole world). Having said that, we also like to celebrate with those we love and appreciate greatly, and we do this with gifts (gifts we buy, and gifts we don't). And, as I am sure  you know - that isn't easy if you're home and not able to be out and about, or lacking energy, time, and resources.

    Have no fear, though, there are some ways to make a cheerful Christmas a little easier. It all ends and ends with Expectations. Great Expectations - and not the Charles Dickens kind either. No, I didn't mean begins and ends, I truly meant ends and ends. I don't know if you've noticed, but many people (especially women - I'm allowed to say it because I am one:)) expect the unattainable no matter how able-bodied they are. And that just isn't good for anyone. But if you have reasonable (and I really do mean reasonable!), attainable, practical expectations, you're not so focused on what's not working out, and that leaves you the ability to actually experience the joy in it all - especially in what is working out (like having fun). How is this possible? Well, it starts with a state of mind I think. Consider the following:  

• Of course, the top tip is to consider what the day means for you and how you want to celebrate it. Is it about the gifts only, or is it about family, faith, a combination thereof or something else entirely? 
• If all that matters to you is that you spend time with those you love, maybe have a meal together, go to church together, sing carols in your living room, or order Chinese and play board games together. But don't forget to communicate and compromise…
• BIG HINT (re the compromise, the communications, and your expectations): Your loved ones love you (obviously), so don't get bogged down because they and you have not been discussing the details! If you are recovering, or you are taking care of someone recovering, logic and love says to them that you might not want everyone at your house. In the mean time, if your great expectation is that they will come to you of course - since you can't go to them. Or, perhaps you figure one day of exhaustion is worth it for this occasion, no matter the consequences (like needing to sleep for a week). Logic and love don't always go hand in hand the way everyone thinks they should. Don't be shy; discuss the details. You'll be thankful you did! And, hopefully, with good communication a good compromise can be agreed upon - whatever that looks like in your family.
• Or, maybe this new situation/status is an opportunity to not only reflect on what is truly important and to work towards some agreed on adventures, instead of what you normally do with all the hustle and bustle and planning. 
• Perhaps you will decided to serve others together:
• Like working at Samaritan's purse where you put together shoe boxes with care essentials and toys for children in need in countries around the world. 
• Or, maybe picking a family in your community who could use some extra help this year, and helping them out. 
• Or, maybe this year is an opportunity to scale back on something that has grown into excess. 
• Whatever you do, remember that getting stronger and healthier is the best gift you can give to others who love you, and to yourself too.
• Remember that simple is good. 
• If you'd normally make each and every morsel that comes across your table, don't be ashamed to buy it this year, or do significantly less or a combination thereof. 
• If you'd normally donate to certain places or people but find that you cannot afford to do so due to loss of income, or income going to medical bills, etc, there is no shame in that either. A call or a thank you card can go very very far in showing someone or an organization that has helped you (or that you are normally involved in) that you appreciate them.
• If you normally write cards to all and sundry, and don't have the energy this year - don't. They'll live without them, and you'll live too. 
• Ask for help. No man is an island, despite what society tries to convince you!

     In the end, it all boils down to expectations. If you are planning on trying to match the expectations you've had of yourselves in prior years when you've been healthy, or not focused on caregiving, or you think others have (or do have) of you  - don't. My lovely Mom-in-Law told me one year that: 

"We all have turns. This year is your turn. Next year might be my turn, or some other family member or friend's turn - but we all have turns in life where we can't do what we'd like to do (and/or what we usually do). This year is your turn. That's the way life happens, and that's okay. Eventually we all take our turn, and you'll help when someone else has their turn." 

And I believe it. 

     Given that, allow me to say that this year is YOUR turn reader. Yep. Your turn. Claim it. Be okay with it. Be unapologetic about it. In the years since she's said that, I've given that advice to many (ill or just overwhelmed), and taken it myself. And you know what? It ends up being an even better year for them, it has been for me, and I am hoping it will do the same for you! Wise advice Mom-in-law, thanks!

     Remember that I said for us, part of our Christmas is that we personally also like to celebrate with those we love and appreciate greatly, and we do this with both gifts we buy, and gifts we don't buy? I hope that this post gets you thinking about your expectations around Christmas - especially the gifts you don't buy. And for the gifts you do buy? Well, if you decided that there are gifts you would like to give to those you love, but are still not up and about much, Stay tuned for Part II, "Shop with NO Drop." 

Happy Expecting Differently!

     

Tip # 71 Amazing Apple; Living Large Part I (Apps)

     No, I don't mean living high on the hog when I say living large - I'm talking about using your device in different ways so that you can see. Yep, see. Doesn't sound very exciting at first read does it? But when you can finally see things your've been struggling to see for some time, then, well - it might make you happier than a pig in mud….
     Why would you be struggling to see in the recovery process? Well, there are a bunch of reasons, but some of the top contenders are:

• Medications. 
• Some meds can make vision very poor for a few hours after the medication is taken. If you take this med a few times a day, it can get very frustrating as it limits many of your activities.
• Some meds cause drowsiness, which doesn't make vision all that wonderful for most
• Fatigue
• There's a difference between being fatigued (weak) and being tired (drowsy). Both can affect vision
• Conditions.
• With severe malnutrition for example, reading time can be restricted and vision is affected because of the sheer number of calories required to use your eyes even just to read! 

     Again, that's not an exhaustive list, but I'm sure you get the gist. When do we get to the amazing apple part? Right now:)  This post is "Part 1" as there are a lot of ways to address vision issues with a mac, an iPad, iPhone, etc. I am sure that the PC will have options too, but I prefer Apple. In fact, I chose to switch to all things Apple because of their many accessibility issues - but that's a different post.

     For today, we'll focus on Apps only. While there are many apps to choose from, there are a few that I love and use all of the time:

• Battery Free. 
• What: It's an app that tells you what percent of your battery you have left. Yes, this is on the home screen of most iproducts, but it's very small. When you press the icon, this app takes you to a black screen with a green number telling you at what percent your battery is charged.
• Cost: free
• Notes: I wish the numbers were larger yet, but any amount helps!
• Light and Flash-Light. Both apps turn your device into a powerful flashlight.
• What: Flash-light I like this better than "light" because it's less fussy (yep, fussy is now a technical term!). Press the icon and you get to a black screen. Tap once for light (twice for blink, 3 times for SOS).
• Cost: Free.
• Notes: The writing telling you about the taps is small, but I know that one tap is for the light so it's easy, and I never use the others.

• What: Light. Again, turns your device into a flashlight. And is very customizable.
• Cost: Free
• Notes: This app has a higher rating, and many more options (like brightness of light). That's precisely why I don't like it as much (the whole fussy thing). 
• Magnifier  
• What: An adjustable magnifying glass you can use to see almost anything. Press the icon and presto it's magnifying. There's a bar on the screen to zoom in and out. 
• Cost:  Free
• Notes: A very cool feature of this app is that you can turn the "torch" on or off so that magnifying in the dark is not an issue.
• Large Clock
• What: A large clock :P Again, yes the time is on every device, but this one is legible for those of us with vision issues. You press the icon, and suddenly you see the time in VERY large numbers with a few colour variations (black on white, yellow on black, etc)
• Cost: Free
• Notes: Options include things like the display appearing analog or digital, 24 hour or 12 hour, etc. 
• Angry birds Light
• What: Very popular game where you shoot birds out of a slingshot in order to destroy pigs. So, doesn't really qualify as an app that helps vision. In fact, I can't see it qualifying at all…. BUT, it's the only game I've found that you don't have to see perfectly well to play. It's not complicated, and there's a lot of repetition. 
• Cost: Free
• Notes:  Yes, there are many free versions of the games (angry birds rio, angry birds seasons, etc) BUT if you pay for very fun upgrades the fun just keeps going and going!!

     So, there you have it; a few apps to help you live largER at least, even if they don't help you to live high on the hog. But what do you need with living high on the hog right now anyway? I think being as happy as one in mud because you can see well is better, and getting entertained as I sling imaginary birds at hogs… well, what more could a girl ask for?  Try it and"see" what you think!

Happy Hogging!!

Tip #393 Wise Words Wednesday; LL Pants on Fire

     Liar liar pants on fire (LLPOF)…. Can you hear it? A whole bunch of little kids chanting that line over and over and over again? I have no idea how the phrase started - but I find it interesting that it's only the pants that are affected. What about the skirts? The coats? It hardly seems fair to pick only on the pants! The pant-y-hose too maybe? 

     All kidding aside, I don't know how or why the expression became what it is, but it does make sense to me that LLPOF is a phrase known the world over. Why? Because nobody - absolutely no one that I know of anyway - likes to be lied to. Neither does anyone want to feel like others know that they "bought" somebody's lie. It's not your fault someone lied to you - but somehow you feel responsible for it, embarrassed by it, or both. Human nature I guess. 

     But all of the above assumes that you've figured out that you were lied to in the first place. What if no one tells you? In some situations I guess that it can be blissful to not know, but I personally can't think of a single time I wouldn't want to know…. Which brings me to this week's Wise Words Wednesday quote.

     What's worse than simply believing a lie?

• When believing the lie convinces you that you cannot to do something you can actually do
• When believing the lie convinces you that you should not try something hard because it's too hard for you to do
• When believing the lie stops you from believing and working towards something that is possible, even if it's not probable
• When believing a lie makes you (and others) think you have nothing to contribute, when you are giving your everything 
• When believing the lie makes you lose all hope, when even a teeny bit of hope can move mountains 

Now, go back to that list and whenever you see the word "lie," replace it with the word  "fear," and read your new sentences in the context of recovering from illness or trauma, or caregiving for someone thereof.

It's not always easy to do, but if you can say "liar, liar, pants on fire" to fear, maybe it will seem to hold less power in your life. Maybe we should carry a portable fire extinguisher around and yell LLPOF every time fear tries to take hold? Any costume designs in mind?

Happy Fire-fear-fighting!

Tip #192 Wise Words Wednesday; A Good Day

     Have you ever read the children's book "Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day," by Judith Viorst? It's one of my favourite children's stories, and, clearly, a favourite amongst children too. As you might have guessed, Alexander's day didn't turn out exactly as he planned. As far as he is concerned, everything that could go wrong did (through the eyes of a five year old). For instance, his two brothers pull very cool prizes out of the cereal box in the  morning, and he gets only cereal Or, he ends up having to go to the dentist, and then finds out he has to go shopping for shoes with his mom…. It's been a while since I've read the book, but I do remember that his perceived list of injustices of the day is an extensive one, and, as an adult - it looks like a cute little list. What does Alexander propose as a solution? Moving to Austrailia, because everything there is upside down compared to where he is now, and therefore a terrible day will be a fantastic day in Australia. Oh, to have the innocence of a child….

   If we consider real-life-recovery-land, whether you are an adult, child, or adult caring for a child (or I guess an adult caring for an adult for that matter), it's easy to feel like many days are much like Alexander's. Maybe the phone is ringing while the IV pump is chiming, the dog is barking - which  incidentally - causes the baby wake up when you just got her down, and you are trying to quiet the baby in a hurry so the nurse can get to work on you right away. Oh, and did I remember to mention that you do all of the above while in a whole lot of pain? Sound familiar? Or, perhaps, none of the above happen at the same time, but the day is filled with event after overwhelming event? We're not the only ones capable of having an "Alexander" day (I can think of a whole lot of parents of wee ones…), where your life seems to have be confused for some black pit where all ill-seeming-events and struggles converge. It just feels that way sometimes.

    So, what to do about it? Well, if Alexander is right, we should all move to Australia! Barring that, I think coping is better when you remember the following (not sure who coined the phrase, but love it):

  
     It's amazing what a change in focus can do for one's spirits. When you feel like Alexander, that's okay, acknowledge the bad. But don't forget to focus on the "something good" too. Even if it's just one thing, a little something good can make a very big difference.

Happy something good-ing, even amidst your most terrible, horrible, no good, very bad days!