My amazingly intelligent friend Miss K.W (she's socially brilliant too), was the first to introduce me to the phrase "I'm feeling decision-powerless right now." I don't know if she coined the phrase or if it's a well-known (ish) colloquialism, but I bet she did coin it. It literally means what it says "decision-powerless" but it's so much more than that, too. Let's take a stab at the 5 W's...
What
Decision-Powerlessness is the feeling of a lack of power to make a decision. One would think it is the feeling of a lack of power to make a good decision, but it's not; it's any decision.
When
This state-of-being is apt to happen when one is overtired, overwhelmed, and/or overly emotional. It often happens when one is in copious amounts of pain, extremely fearful/fretful, and any other stressful situation that affects one's ability to think.
To Whom
I couldn't decide whether to put this topic in "relative relations" or in "patience patients," as I'm not sure who experiences decision powerlessness more often, or to a greater degree. I suppose it might also apply to medical professionals too - though one would hope much less often! But I digress... in the end, I've decided to put it in both categories, and I won't know until this is posted whether that will work (new blogger and all), but here's hoping.
Why
Because illness and recovery and trauma happen to people. Real people. And it's hard. Really hard.
How (to manage it)
How to manage it is a tough one to answer because oftentimes the solution requires making more decisions. but in my experience (as patient, caregiver, and professional), I'd say start here:
A) Call for Captain Decision-Maker.... oh, if it was only that easy! Okay, seriously,
a) Try to remove yourself from any additional stimuli (other than the usual stress of recovery), be it particularly stressful or not. For example, turn off the TV or send the neighbour home so there is less info to process.
b) Admit to yourself and any other relevant person in the situation that you are feeling decision-powerless. Actually use the phrase, don't beat around the bush. And, if no one's around to hear you, say it anyway. Naming it seems to give it less power, and there is no shame in feeling that way.
c) Once you've declared it,
- If it is not an urgent decision to make, wait to make it until you are feeling stronger.
- If it is urgent ask someone you trust to help make the decision with you.
- If it's a small thing with no time-sensitivity in the grand scheme of things (what movie to watch or what to eat), ask someone to make it for you. And yes, decision-powerlessness can even (well, often) apply to these types of situations too.
d) Go to sleep or do something for joy - or perhaps, both. Everything is better when we're more rested, and doing something for joy is refreshing.
If you are not the one feeling decision-powerless, and would like to be the superhero Captain Decision-Maker that swoops in to save the day, be very careful. Remember that with great power comes great responsibility. So, if the one feeling decision-powerless does not send out the bat signal (or the equivalent), it's not a good idea to barge in and try to save the day.
But, in my books you are a superhero if you assist someone to go through the steps above. That doesn't mean that you don't get a say in a decision, it just means you don't get the say. Never fear though, if you are the superhero type you will never be completely out of work - there are many situations in recovery where Captain Decision-Maker is not just wanted, but desperately needed. It's a fine line to walk, and a line with much trial and error for both parties. But stay the course, I believe that with understanding and a lot of practice, like Spider man, your "spidy senses" will kick in and guide you, and both the ones recovering and the ones doing the care giving will be better for it.
Happy deciding!
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