Remember when you were little and you would sit on the teeter-totter with your friends and have a blast going up and down for what seemed like hours on end but was likely only a few minutes? If you sat just right, held your breath just so, and leaned in the right direction, it was sometimes possible to experience that feeling of being suspended when logic dictates it shouldn't be possible given the inequity of weight. That perfect balance, that pinnacle, it's a wonderful thing. If you can achieve that balance during the recovery process now too, well, that would be a wonderful thing (figuratively speaking:) ). However, at the same time be aware that this does take effort. And sometimes - well sometimes that's just not possible; the effort is too overwhelming. But I'm getting ahead of myself. Let's regroup.
In my estimation the two sides of a teeter-totter are a) the effort you put into getting better and b) quality of life. Now, as with any teeter-totter ride, one side can drastically affect the other. Some of us fall into patterns where it is all work and no play. It's easy to put everything you have into recovery so that you will recover faster. No one (at least no sane person) wants to be ill or confined for a moment longer than necessary. So, you work your tail off in the hopes you get better faster. But, be aware that while working hard to get better should be a high priority, there are some pitfalls. For instance, if you spend too much time and energy trying to get better in order to increase quality of life, you can easily lose sight of actually having said quality of life until you're better.
Whether recovery takes 10 days, 10 weeks, or 10 years, it's a long time for you and those around you to experience a significant loss in quality of life just because effort is not focused there, but on recovery instead (recognizing of course that quality of life is always decreased when you or your loved one become ill/experience trauma in the first place). Besides, in my experience, putting a reasonable amount of effort into quality of life actually makes the recovery faster, better, more efficient, and easier with which to cope, not the opposite. This is true for caregivers, family members, and any other loved ones, too. On the flip side, having too much of, or only a focus on quality of life you can run into some pitfalls here, too. Recovery isn't usually spontaneous - people have to actually work at it. All play and no work doesn't really get you anywhere either.
No, achieving balance isn't easy. Things are different in "recovery life." Abilities and energy are compromised in the recovery life. To have your attention and energy required for so many things in so many directions is difficult. You have obligations and responsibilities that are not always possible to maintain as a result of the illness or trauma, and you often feel guilty that you cannot do anything about it. To say it's hard is a great understatement. I'm not going to say at all that you aren't doing enough, or that now you have to do even more to achieve a better quality of life. I'm not going to patronize you and say that you need to do anything in particular. I'm not living in your shoes, and your illness is different than mine. Your regular life is different from mine, too, and mine is different than the next.
So no, I won't tell you what to do, but I will suggest that you take a self-inventory and ask yourself where you are on that teeter-totter. Are you at one extreme or the other? Have you looked at those around you lately and really looked at them for who they are and what they mean to you, not for what they do? Do you plan things for joy (even small things, like eating a bowl of froot loops)? Have you made an effort to show your loved ones how important they are to you? Have you periodically planned things you can look forward to, and then look fondly back on? Are you practicing self-care activities (journaling, writing in blog, having a nap... whatever makes you feel good and peaceful)? Sometimes we get stuck in a rut, and don't evaluate where we are in life. Simply figuring out where you stand is a solid first step to improving things.
The especially good news is that it takes very little to start to get that teeter-totter moving in the right direction. You may not be able to make a single change today, tomorrow, or next week. That's okay, and is to be expected sometimes - it's the nature of the trauma/illness. If you can do something that you know will make your quality of life improve, just remember that nothing needs to be extravagant...nothing over the top. Even if right now you can only keep in mind where you want to be, well, that is a helpful mindset. Teeter-totter rides have a lot of ups and downs, and so it's okay not to be up right now - you're still in the game and can get back up soon.
So, Bravo to those of you who have this balance figured out already, and are continuing to put in the effort (mentally and/or physically) to keep yourself at that pinnacle of balance. And if you're only figuring this part out about the recovery process then be encouraged that teeny tiny things can drastically alter that teeter-totter ride. Better yet, teeter-totters even give you lots of feedback about what is working and what isn't. If you pay attention to that, you will get so much closer to that sweet spot where everything is balanced. And if it's just not possible to balance it, well, hang on for the ride - even just getting close to that middle made us happy as kids, and these days has the potential to be pretty darn good too. Getting close to that pinnacle is a pinnacle moment too!
Happy balancing!
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