Tip #214 Relative Relations; Quality vs. Quantity

     I wrote a post last week called the "Ninja Report" addressing ways in which to communicate with others about all of this medical "stuff." The premise is that you use the words "ninja report" as a substitution for the complicated and/or embarrassing medical terms. Doing this can make it easier to have a quality conversation - a meaningful  conversation  that rejects unnecessary distracting medical info. That way, the the feelings behind the conversation can be easier to convey. And, hopefully, it will lead to some levity and a lot of laughter while still lending itself to receive support as well!
     But sometimes, quantity is more helpful than quality. How so, and how do you apply numbers to your recovery?  Medical models already include numbers like "how would you rate your pain on a scale from 1-10." The number chosen gives us a very good idea as to the degree of the pain someone is experiencing. Moreover, it gives us that info efficiently and can result in having the person to whom you are speaking understand the depth of the issue instantly.
     In the same way, using numbers when describing other aspects of recovery can help you and/or the person for whom you are caring. Numbers help us describe to other family members how recovery is progressing in a manner not bogged down by tricky medical details. It also helps well meaning loved ones who struggle when explaining to others how you or your loved one is recovering, without mixing up those tricky details. Have you ever played that telephone game - you know the one where a person whispers a sentence into someones ear, and they whisper it to the next person and so on?  And did you usually find that at the end of the line the resulting sentence was not even remotely close to what the first person whispered? Well, here are a few ways that numbers come to the rescue. People may not always like numbers, but everyone knows that 2+2=4.
     Let's start with pain, since it is already an existing tool. You could tell someone that the pain is at about 6 out of 10 today not 3 out of 10 (or, if you are fortunate, the other way around). Isn't that easier than trying to explain the quality of the pain or why it's there? It's a great tool.

     How about progress? It is easy to feel like someone is not getting better because, for example, the outward appearance doesn't change (e.g.still have a feeding tube, a cast, or are still immobile, etc). Moreover, sometimes pain isn't an issue (eg. working on speech after stroke), in which case pain numbers don't help with descriptions all that much. In such cases, I find it is easier to describe progress with tangible numbers. For instance, say I have a feeding tube; without explaining to you how it works, why I need it, or what it involves, I can use numbers to help you instantly have a grasp of where things are at. This scenario might look like this: "when I left hospital, I could run my feed pump at 5 ml/hour (lets say 5 units). My goal is 400 units. Currently I am at 306 units." Do you have any sense of my progress with said numbers? 

     Other examples?You can do the same for diabetes (I am able to stay in the acceptable range 30% of the time, my goal is 90% of the time), for anemia (my red blood cell count is supposed to be about 120 units and mine is 101 now, up from 74units). Most things can have numbers applied to indicate progress, sometimes - it just involves a little creativity in some cases. Oh, side note:  I like using the word "units" instead of mmHg, or Kcal, or any other units when describing number goals because it becomes a non-tricky measurement, and thus the focus is again in the desired place.

     There is one last place where numbers can be helpful in describing life right now; the new normal. Have you ever felt like friends and family (and others too) can't comprehend how you don't have all the time in the world in this phase of life?  Do you feel like some of them think that you are just sitting in a hammock all day, sipping hot cocoa, and watching soaps? They probably don't feel that way (we are our own worst critics) - but they likely still won't have a  great grasp on what this time in life truly looks like for you. It is often difficult for people to see that recovery doesn't just involve sitting on your rump to rest 24/7. And, people are not always aware that there are appointments galore, and regular functions of recovery (meds, exercises, speaking with medical team) that are both time consuming and usually hard work too! 

     And when recovery takes a very long time (beyond months) some people can feel like you are over the busy hump of recovery. If you have felt this way, or experienced comments that are distressing then perhaps it's time to hammer out some numbers for those that do want to know. And numbers that involve a concept of time (number per week or per month, per day, etc.) seem to be very successful in conveying your life's "new normal." 

For instance, using your own numbers and examples, you could relate something like the following:

14 - number of times you take medications during the day.

19- number of medication doses you use in those 14 administrations per day.

26 - number of people in your house each week (appointments, care giving, your loved ones, etc)

9 - number of hours hours per week communicating with medical team members via appointment, email or phone 

11 - number of hours per week doing medical "homework"(tasks assigned by medical team members like exercises for physiotherapist, eating/swallowing practice for the speech pathologist, etc. )

22 - number of immediate family members to share life with

Limitless - how much you want to be with said loved ones

0 - energy you have to do any of the above

     Obviously your numbers and items listed are specific to you and in no way are diminished if they are small numbers, and in no way ridiculous if they are large numbers, and ditto for the items you choose to list. It is what it is, and you are just showing others what "it" it is. :) Take care though not to use the numbers as a "trump" card to hold over another - they're just tools for communicating with understanding. And maybe don't account for every moment either, just a few items on the list like it is above. And as an aside, guess what? Even if you don't mention the numbers to anyone, but go through the process of calculating them - you communicate with the someone who needs to hear the numbers most... you! Many people find it a great relief and/or a bit of a shock to look at the numbers, but I won't go there today - that's a post for another day. 

     Okay, I'm wrapping it up. Thanks to those of you who have lasted this long and read this far, as I am soooo (obviously) long winded! I just have to say that I find it ironic that in my attempt to express the quality of the concept (which to me means providing details like I am writing in these brackets right now), I am requiring a great quantity of words to accomplish it!  What can I say?  I'm a work in progress... Thanks for your patience ;0

Happy math-ing!