Tip #344 Relative Relations; Happy Wife, Happy Life

     Happy Wife, Happy Life? How many times have you heard that expression and then laughed your head off? Well, in some cases it may be true, in some not so much. I say that if you put your spouse first in life (man or woman), then you have a happier marriage. Being giving is good.
     What I find amazing is that I have come across many who either don't know that, or who do, but have no idea what to do about it: "I'm in bed - what could I possibly do for my spouse" or "He's in bed- ill, what could I possibly do for him to make him feel better? It won't change anything, he'll still be sick."
I think that there are a bunch of things that you can do, be you caregiver or the one recovering. Here's just  a few suggestions - easily adaptable if your relationship is other than spouse to spouse:

Those of you recovering:

• Always say please and thank you for everything done for you - even especially the routine items that you no longer have to ask for
• Each day,  encourage them: for keeping a job and doing this, for being a great spouse...
• Wait until they're up and in the kitchen before asking them to do something for you there
• If you can't sleep and they can, do all you can to help them stay sleeping.  Be as quiet as a mouse.
• Before going to bed, make any preparations you need to so that you don't have to wake up your spouse in the night 
• Keep a gratitude journal -  the happier and the more thankful you are despite your circumstances, the more your spouse will be the same.
• Take care of them, via others if necessary. Set your alarm to remind them of things for their care. And if you have an alternate caregiver ask them to make supper for your spouse, etc.
• Find out about their day. What happened at work, what is going on in other parts of their life, how are they coping, etc.  It's not all about you and how you feel.
• Share your life and your heart, which will include great things, and how hard it is to face what you are facing. But, if you need to complain incessantly about it, do so with friends or a professional, not your spouse. 
• Look at your loved one as a loved one, and do everything you can to make them feel that way.
• You get the gist.

Caregivers:

• Recognize the items done for you by or on behalf of the loved one recovering, and be thankful.
• Try to recognize progress. Are they sitting up or doing something that they couldn't yesterday?
• Look at your loved one as a loved one, not as a patient. Look at them as a survivor, they have fought hard to be where they are.
• Love is showing up. Show up.
• It's okay for you to be upset about the state of your life, but don't be upset with your spouse about something they can't change. For instance, be frustrated that you have to do things you don't like to do (help give a needle, dress a wound, etc.), but don't be upset with your spouse about it. Instead, share in that anger, sorrow, and frustration.... Don't make the your spouse feel even more helpless that they can't fix it, can't change it, and can't help it. They feel bad enough already that you have to do anything at all for them. Instead, let it bring you closer by sharing those emotions. And if you need to complain incessantly about it, do so with friends or a professional, not your spouse. 

Okay, so I think you get the gist on both ends. If I had to sum it up in one sentence, I'd say Love each other. If I get a second sentence, I say Put all of the illness stuff aside, look at each other the same as you did before the illness (but even better and stronger now), and love and appreciate your spouse for all they are, everyday. 

Happy spouse, happy house!