Do you ever feel like you are defined by the serious illness and/or trauma that you or a loved one have experienced? It is easy to feel that way, and it is very common to feel that way too. Society has a habit of traveling to places like "Comparison Boulevard" where everyone is valued by their abilities (or lack thereof) rather than for who they are at their core. Not only do we often do this to each other, but we also do it to ourselves as well. Once we do that, we can find ourselves believing that that valuation is truly the case. Not good.
But, we can't go back and make all the trauma not happen, even though we stubbornly hate to admit it sometimes - like when we get stuck in the "if only" scenarios. I have caught myself saying "in my other life before the accident I could..." or "Well, back in real life..."
Whether you were a bus boy or the president, or a carpenter or a stockbroker, it is hard to escape the past. Whether it is hard because:
A) All the loss surrounding (and resulting from) the trauma itself is still ongoing or fresh in the mind for any reason
B) the inability to feel valued because others cannot see what you used to be able to do vs. What you can currently do, or may never be able to do again, or
C) the belief that you need to prove your worth to yourself because what you can offer the world is so different from that which you were either already doing or trying to do..... the result is unrest, unease, and heartache... We should not be defined by what we can or cannot do, but who we are. If only that was a more common thought.
I really believe that if we can only accept that our value is hinged to our performance, then whatever diminishes said performance (like trauma), makes it nearly (or entirely) impossible to move forward in big ways. You can't fix or change the past, and it's alreaddy had its " fun" with you, so why give it one more minute worth of a hold on you and your ability to move forward. And yes, i do know that's easier said than done - i have struggled with this myself on many occasions. I refuse to let it define me entirely, and it is only by faith that I am ever able to do so. It is not a walk in the park to choose this stance, but, for me at least, it is less painful in the grand scheme of things.
This quote says it all for me.
Your past is just a story. And once you realize this, It has no power over you. - Chuck Palahniuk
Happy overpowering!
But, we can't go back and make all the trauma not happen, even though we stubbornly hate to admit it sometimes - like when we get stuck in the "if only" scenarios. I have caught myself saying "in my other life before the accident I could..." or "Well, back in real life..."
Whether you were a bus boy or the president, or a carpenter or a stockbroker, it is hard to escape the past. Whether it is hard because:
A) All the loss surrounding (and resulting from) the trauma itself is still ongoing or fresh in the mind for any reason
B) the inability to feel valued because others cannot see what you used to be able to do vs. What you can currently do, or may never be able to do again, or
C) the belief that you need to prove your worth to yourself because what you can offer the world is so different from that which you were either already doing or trying to do..... the result is unrest, unease, and heartache... We should not be defined by what we can or cannot do, but who we are. If only that was a more common thought.
I really believe that if we can only accept that our value is hinged to our performance, then whatever diminishes said performance (like trauma), makes it nearly (or entirely) impossible to move forward in big ways. You can't fix or change the past, and it's alreaddy had its " fun" with you, so why give it one more minute worth of a hold on you and your ability to move forward. And yes, i do know that's easier said than done - i have struggled with this myself on many occasions. I refuse to let it define me entirely, and it is only by faith that I am ever able to do so. It is not a walk in the park to choose this stance, but, for me at least, it is less painful in the grand scheme of things.
This quote says it all for me.
Your past is just a story. And once you realize this, It has no power over you. - Chuck Palahniuk
Happy overpowering!
I love this post.. and love the quote. It can apply to literally anyone in any situation. We all need to remember that our past is just a story, and we can't let it continue to have it's "fun" with us.I'll remember that. You're so darn wise!!
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