Tip #53 Wise Words Wednesday; Courage and the Try

 Have you had or heard that conversation anywhere? 

"Are you going to do it or not? You can't say try! You'll try? Did you say try? There is NO try! Either you'll do it or you won't. I reiterate - there is NO try!"

     I get that people will choose all sorts of ways in which to get peak performance out of people. Some may hold your hand and walk beside you all the way, and others use the tough-love attitude - sometimes also known as the Drill-sergeant approach (much like the one-way conversation quoted above). My take? Well, I think the best way to help someone to "be all they can be" (pardon the pun) is to encourage them, and acknowledge the "try" in HUGE ways! I know it sounds crazy and far too easy, but you catch more flies with honey than you do vinegar. Right? 

     Okay, that all sounds good I know, but what happens when a) your trying doesn't get you anywhere, and b) no one is encouraging you? Well, then that's a good time to do an inventory of what you are capable of, based on coming as far as you have in ANYTHING you've ever done. You had the top job? Great! You had the job at the lowest end of the pay scale, but managed to provide for your children in each and every way? Great! You sat up for 14 seconds today, when two weeks ago you could only do it for 5 seconds? Great! You are a person of courage. You know what that means? That means you have all the tools necessary to reach your recovery goal - whatever that may be, with or without encouragement. Encouragement is a bonus. Again, you are a person of courage.

     Now, before you say "I haven't done anything courageous - what are you talking about? " or "Are you crazy? I was terrified of the pain each time I had to do my exercises…." or "But I cried…" and lets not forget the "but I didn't do it well. I fell/failed/only got half way there…." hear me out. Maybe you are not wired that way at any time despite your current situation (and Hooray if that is so! Truly!). However, I have encountered it in others often, experienced it myself, and would suggest that the general public feels this way at least some of the time too - and they do so minus the recovering. So, if any of the comments above sound familiar to you in any way, shape, or form, please hear me out. Actually, hear two very wise people out…

     I hope you can allow yourself to be proud of how far you've come, and the courage it has taken to get to this point. Most of all, I hope you can see you that you have the courage to pull off seemingly impossible things. 

Try? Good golly yes you can try - and keep on trying too! 

Happy showing up that Drill-Sergeant!

Tip #330 Patience Patients; Zzzzzzz's via Your A, B, C's

     What can feel worse than not being able to get to sleep when you know you need it most? Whether you are a caregiver or someone who is recovering from serious illness or trauma, I think there is only one answer: Knowing you are not going to be able to sleep when you need it so badly. It doesn't seem to be a big distinction I know, but I think it is. How so?
     Well, for starters, knowing you can't sleep is like knowing you're going to get stitches (and lets say without any freezing just for fun) at some point in the evening. You don't know when it will happen exactly, but you think about it, wait for it, and psych yourself up for it, telling yourself it will be fine. You are nervous about it, and frustrated that it hasn't happened yet, but you are okay. Then, three more hours pass without a word, and your restlessness is starting to get out of hand. So now I ask you this: What is worse? Is the procedure worse if you've been focusing on it - preparing for it all night, or is the pain of actually getting those stitches worse?
     Well, I know that I find it easier to jump off a 40 foot bridge into water if I haven't been staring down at the water for 10 minutes. For me it is easier to jump when you haven't deliberated too much. So, I'd say the anticipation of the event is more often worse than the event itself - for bridges, for stitches, and of course, for sleeping too! (By the way, I used to think I was invincible and did all sorts of thing like bridge jumping, etc. I do NOT recommend it, nor do I recommend that you never think about consequences before making decisions. In my case I knew I was making that jump. The decision was made - it was just the logistics of it that were up for grabs!).
     So, speaking of logistics - some would say that accepting the probability of not being able to go to sleep (or back to sleep) is self-defeating, and you'll never get a good night's sleep if you think that way. While I agree that pessimism isn't generally all that helpful, I don't think accepting a troublesome fact is pessimistic - just realistic, and ideally that realism is still paired with hope for the best outcome.
So then, why do I believe that accepting that you are having trouble sleeping can be a good thing? It's hard to fight something you can't see or acknowledge (of course accepting trouble sleeping as a fact is only helpful if you are actually are having trouble sleeping! LOL!). Okay, so if it is actually an issue, consider sleeping as a parallel to knowing you are going to jump off that bridge; you've acknowledged what will in all likelihood happen when you go to sleep (jump), and all that's left to do then is to figure out the logistics. Of course, each night can be different- as can the outcome of every jump. But in both cases, practicing helps.
     For instance, for me - a lack of sleep is usually related to not being able to shut my brain down. Therefore, much like you do with a toddler when you want to help them lose their tears and be happy again - I use distraction. How? With the alphabet. Yep, I did say the alphabet. The alphabet method may not be the right method for you, but what do you have to lose if you try it? You're certainly not going to be missing sleep over it! So, here's the deal:
1) Pick a broad category. For example fruits and vegetables, or cars and trucks, or people you are related to, or TV shows, etc.
2) Starting at any letter you want (I usually start with m for some reason), name two or three things within the category. So, my fruit and veggie words go like this: melon, mango, mushroom.....
3) Work at it like it is something you want to really do well at - try not to quit just because you can't think of anything for certain letters; just move along to the next letter.
4) Count them.You don't need to do so, but counting keeps me more focused and more motivated. I get a point per word, and lose a point for each letter for which I can't come up with an answer. Before you ask, yes, I am aware of how silly and crazy that sounds, but it is what it is:)
     I hope this method will be a good tool in your go-to-sleep-arsenal for you. Barring that, I hope you find all sorts of heathy distractions, and that sleeping becomes easier each night. Of course nothing will be perfect 100% of the time, so don't expect perfection. There should be no pressure on yourself if any technique, coping strategy, person, or situation isn't cooperating with your efforts in that direction. If it's not working, just put it away, and use a different tool for now.
     Personally, I have used this strategy many many times, with varied categories over the years - it doesn't always work, but even when it doesn't get me to sleep, it gets me thinking about more relaxing things, which in itself is a great relief. I have done this with categories such as girl names, school subjects, names of atoms, songs, scriptures, animals (one for domestic, one for wild), and things that I love about people in my life.
     Do you know the category that works best for me? Blessing counting. I am aware that it might sound trite or cheesy to say so, but it's true. It works well in helping me get to sleep or get back to sleep, because it truly makes me feel better, not just sleep better. It becomes my stored-in-my-head gratitude list of things to thank God for, both in ordinary life, and amidst turmoil too.

And, of course - I do it alphabetically, and starting with the letter m.

Happy A, B, Zzzzeee-ing!

Tip #358 Creature Comforts & Weighted Wonders; Feeling Sheepish?

     Have you ever seen or touched a sheep? Or should I say have ewe ever seen or touched a sheep? Yep, I do know how cheesy that sounds, but I can't help myself sometimes:) Back to the point, have you felt their furry hides? Their coat seems course and curly and smelly, but they are still cute in spite of that. I've loved their contribution to the keep-you-warm scene for quite some time now. And, I'm now quite fond of sheep for another reason; they can provide assistance in the midst of recovery. How? They help with a) bed sores and b) comfort. Lets look at bed sores first. Good golly that sounds fun doesn't it? Anyways…
      Skin breakdown is very common in the recovery process. It's risk factors include (but are not limited to) incontinence, being bedridden or confined to a wheelchair, being malnourished, and having radiation therapy. Note that just because you have one or more of the factors just listed, it does not automatically mean that you currently have - or will ever have - bed sores. Having said that, it's always prudent to check for bed sores (aka pressure sores), and to consult your nurse or physician regarding treatment should you notice changes in the health of your skin. Click here to go to MedlinePlus for a more detailed description of the risk factors mentioned above, as well as things you can do to prevent and/or manage bed sores. It's part of the US Natuional Library of Medicine which is a source I like for getting medical info.
     So how can a sheepskin make any of the above better? Well, bed sores (and bacteria in general) LOVE warm dark spaces without a lot of circulation. If you are bedridden or in a wheelchair, then chances are you are providing that perfect environment a good chunk of the time (fun,fun,fun!). But have no fear, Captain sheepskin is here, and all will be well soon. Why? The sheepskin wicks moisture away from you, which knocks down one of the biggest ingredients in the bacteria recipe. And guess what? Bedsores are also elated to have their chance to bare their angry red faces in the presence of friction (ie rubbing the back of your ankle along the bed every time you move). Sheepskin helps with that too. I could go on for a while about it's many benefits in this vein of discussion, but I think you get the point, and I don't want to drive you crazy with my long-windedness!
     As for the comfort component - I don't know how to describe just how amazing it is to have a sheepskin. They are SO helpful with respect to comfort. Obviously, their contribution to preventing bedsores is a big addition to being comfortable, but there are other factors too - like staying warm, or cold. If you are sleeping on an airbed for example, the air in the airbed is awfully cold in the winter. Once you get that sheepskin on the air bed, the world feels like a much lovelier place! So so much better! And in the hot summer, it's great at wicking away that moisture. I don't know how it works at both ends of the temperature scale, but it does.
     On another comfort note, sheepskins are soft, cozy, and a great cushion for your whole body - but even nicer for all of those sore contact parts (like a tailbone or elbows for example). So if you require transport via stretcher to medical appointments, or anticipate being on a gurney or in a wheelchair for a good chunk of time for any reason, consider bringing it with you. You can and ask an attendant or caregiver to slip it on the gurney under the sheets, or the parts of the wheelchair at your back and under your bum respectively. It can seem cumbersome, but I personally think it is worth it - not in all circumstances of course, but most.
     Okay, so if you are considering buying a sheepskin, know that there are 2 types: synthetic and the real deal. Pros and cons? The real follows the contour of the sheep - see pic below. So it, fits gurney's well, but doesn't cover much of a normal bed. I think it's much, much cozier than the synthetic. But, the synthetic sheepskin comes in multiple sizes. One size is large enough to cover at least a whole twin bed, so there is less squirming and shifting in bed trying to get the sheepskin in the right place. While searching for pictures I saw a lot of smaller inexpensively priced sheepskin "pads" (even one made for your bunny - crazy), that can more easily fit a wheelchair seat, or provide some pressure/friction relief for those elbows, tailbone, or heels. In terms of absorption, they are both great, and both are reportedly hypoallergenic. They can be expensive, which is why this post is not only creature comforts, but labelled as weighted wonders too. I got my synthetic sheepskin as a gift from my hubbies parents (thanks!), and they purchased it at a bedding store. My real deal small one is from a medical supply store (in Ontario Shoppers Home Health stores usually have them).
     Well, there you have it. Sheepskins are no longer just used for diplomas and official papers anymore. The other thing i thought was surprising is that the product is not at all rough and course feeling as it is when still on the actual sheep. Although even spun wool can feel scratchy in life, the sheepskin (real) is luxurious and the other (synthetic) is very soft. Who knew? Here's a pic of the real thing (first) and the synthetic (small) pad kind (which sometimes are available at Amazon.com).

Happy Un-sheepishly Sheep-skinning!

Tip #470 Wise Words Wednesday; Just Breathe (Literally!)

     I'm finding it hard to believe that it is (almost) Wednesday again! Do you sometimes feel like you are't accomplishing all that much? I do. If you do too, keep on reading… 

I love this quote for 2 reasons… 

1) For type A people like me, when I'm ill I like to include things like "shower" on my list. It wasn't a candidate for the list when I could do more, but as health changes, so must expectations or - in my opinion - you drive yourself crazy. 

2) I think it's fun. And, anything that can lend humour to recovering from severe illness or trauma (intentional or not) is a very good thing!

Hope you enjoy it as much as I did!

Click Here for (hopefully) the original location.

Happy Breathing!

Tip #492 Patience Patients; Thwarting the GOOF

     Who's the GOOF and why and how are we thwarting him? Well, it all has to do with pain being a pain in the you-know-what.  And if we can thwart pain - well then the world is a better place, isn't it? So, here's my contribution to a better world…
     There are three phases of pain in my books - four if you count the absence of pain, but I don't. Neither do I count the paper-cut version of pain for the purpose of this discussion - that's an annoyance or discomfort. I'm only talking about the kind of pain you may have in the recovery process as a result of a trauma or severe illness. In my experience, naming something makes it seem to have less power over you - that's how we thwart it. And the GOOF part? Well, stay tuned. In the mean time, do any of my self-proclaimed categories (below) seem familiar to you?

Phase I: Pep Talk Pain

     This is the "Ug this really hurts" kind of pain. In most recovery situations - including the recovery stage for caregivers, some pain is to be expected. This phase of pain is reflective of the  moments in the day to day recovery that are harder than others, but not unbearable. You know - the days you convince yourself to do those physical therapy exercises even though they hurt like crazy. Or, the times you carry little Johnny with his 2 leg casts on - he's not all that heavy, but the casts make carrying him awkward. Little Johnny seems to be 20 pounds heavier and you wish you could avoid it, but he needs you - so you suck it up and get it done.
     That's the kind of pain in phase I. And we thwart it by pushing through it using - you guessed it - pep talks. How do you give yourself a pep talk? Well, in this case, remind yourself it's not forever - or that it won't be that bad, or that whatever you are doing is worth the pain. Remind yourself how far you've come; you've likely been in hospital, and so you've come far and conquered much to simply come home. Or, perhaps you can stand for 3 minutes this week, but a month ago it was 20 seconds. Whatever the scenario, if you don't already give yourself pep talks, then consider doing so.  You might have to repeat the talk a few times, but eventually you drag yourself to do whatever "it" is, content that it's worth it.

Phase II: The Cut it Out Pain

     Phase two pain makes you say "Cut it out already!" to the pain fairy. Yep, I said pain fairy. Do fairies only bring you good things? I think so. So instead, lets call him the Gobblinesque-Opposite-Of-Fairy pain fairy aka the big GOOF for short.
     The big goof is the most annoying visitor you've ever had. He moves in without permission, and it feels like he'll never leave. He's the kind of guest that only leaves one square of toilet paper for you, he is obstinant (he certainly won't obey your wishes), he's arrogant (and why not, he flaunts his strength because he can), he is life sucking, and exhausting on every level. The clincher? He's irritating and seemingly powerful, and if you don't manage him well, he has the potential to affect just about everything. The big GOOF!
     So how do we manage the Goof? How do we thwart him?  Well, how do you train a dog not to pee in the house? You do as much preventatively as you can. In this case that means trying to go to bed consistently at a decent time (sleep helps with coping), and working hard at recovery (eg. doing your physical exercises). You also have to consciously work at balancing recovery with your ever changing physical and emotional limits, as exceeding them will put you behind even further. What else do we do to make sure the dog learns to pee outside? We change our tactics if the training isn't going well. With recovery pain, if the medication is working but side effects are worse than the original entity that they're treating - we speak to the doctor and see if there is another option. Or we tell any applicable practitioner that we're working hard what they asked us to, but with no change. Changing tactics isn't something we have to manage ourselves, and you are going to find the practitioners thanking you, not being upset with you under the circumstances.
     Of course there are more ways of thwarting the GOOF than above, but you get the gist  So, I'll only say one last thing about thwarting the GOOF in phase II; we need to get very very stern with him consistently. You wouldn't make a point of letting the dog pee in the house because you don't feel like getting up to let her out. If you did, you'd not get very far with training (and your house wouldn't smell so good either). So, if you want progress in thwarting the GOOF, you have to consistently tell him to Cut it Out!, and then go about the business of making him cut it out by putting the above into practice. It's not going to miraculously learn to go away on it's own any more than the dog will decide it doesn't want to pee inside anymore. It's up to you! 
     One last thing, barring all of the above, sometimes doing something to distract yourself from the pain can be helpful. I actually, yes, truly literally - cut things out. I love making cards, and so I print off little bits from a scrapbook program and keep them in an easy to grab place. Then, if pain is greater than phase I, but less than phase III, I cut the little bibs and bobs for future use. Doing such a thing doesn't make the pain go away, but it's a great distraction from the intensity of it. So, maybe consider cutting it out - literally or figuratively, or both!

Phase III: The On - and Off - Your Rocker Pain

     This phase reflects the mind-bending ability of pain. The "On your rocker" part is more of a literal description. Although you're not rocking on (that would be a great twist), you are simply rocking. It refers to the fetal position you find yourself in, while you rock yourself back and forth because the pain is way too intense to do anything but that. The "Off your rocker" part describes being in a state of such excruciating pain that it drives you nuts (aka off your rocker), and if it doesn't, it makes you wish that it actually would. As an aside I must ask how the "She's off her rocker" phrase came to mean that one was losing their mind - it makes absolutely no sense to me.
     How do we thwart the phase III GOOF? By getting the appropriate treatment. This kind of pain is best managed by a physician or a nursing team, and sometimes in the emergency room. Medals are not handed out for suffering through pain, so don't feel like you have to suck it up. Just because something shouldn't hurt, doesn't mean that it isn't hurting, so speak up. Now, I know that after all you've been through the absolute last place you want to be is back to hospital, and believe me - I get that. But, know that consulting with a physician or your nursing team doesn't necessarily mean they will send you to hospital. Either way it's worth it; you will recover better and faster if you take the measures you need to in order to be in less pain. Imagine how much energy you'd have if it wasn't being eaten up with mind-bending pain!
    
     So, there you have it. If you think I am crazy for naming the phases, I'm okay with that. To each his own, and if you have other strategies that work, hooray! I'd just like to say one last benefit of naming the phases: communication. Those around you may respond differently in most situations if they know which stage your in. Maybe loved ones will help by joining in the pep talk, or ask you to hang out when they otherwise wouldn't  - fearing you'd be in too much pain - but you were only in the pep talk phase of pain. You never know. What I do know is joy is possible even though none of the three phases of pain seem to promote it. . It's sometimes harder to fight an enemy you can't see, but I find that naming it takes some of it's power away. Joy is worth fighting for - so lets fight the big GOOF for it! We shall conquer….

Happy GOOFing off!

Tip #103 Wise Words Wednesday; Keep on Truckin'

Happy Fall! I love this time of year - the trees are so pretty, and we are harvesting our crops (certain types of wheat, soy beans, cattle corn, etc.). And while - yes - that is fantastic for farmers, we especially love it when those crops are at their best. In other words, we love it when we can reap the rewards of the land, and the financial rewards that come with quality crops. The trouble is, you can't control quality in some circumstances - like when the weather is being uncooperative. If it's too rainy in the spring, you can't get the crops in on time, with too much rain at harvest, your crops are too moist, and/or it's too hard to get your tractor to not destroy the field as it sinks in the mud, and so on….

One of the things I love about my farmer hubby is that he can go with the flow instead of being agitated and in a state of unrest because the crops require something that can't be done. He's able to let go of what he can't control. A steady, even keel approach. That's not to say that he doesn't care, or isn't human, or that it doesn't stress him out - he's just great at managing it all. Why would you worry about something you can't control? Wait for it to do what it does, and then we will regroup. How I wish I could do that more!

Okay, why all the talk about farming? Well, most farmers that I have met have the same attitude as my husband. Not all, but most it seems. In terms of recovering from trauma or a severe illness, we could all stand to have a farmer attitude. For example, why stress so much about what the swab will say? Either you have an infection or you don't, and worrying about what those results are isn't going to change anything, it'll just drive you nuts. Having said that, I get that it is "easier to talk-the-talk" than "walk-the-walk."

Okay, on to the wise words…. So, this week hubby borrowed a really big truck (apparently a triaxle truck with a triaxle pony, aka a "truck and pup." Why it's a pup if it's a pony I ask? But I digress). He was driving this really big truck, and there was a poster in the truck that made him laugh and think of sending it to me. I guess maybe regular truckers might be like a lot of farmers? Here's the quote. It's been our mantra lately….

Happy Truckin'!



  

Tip #392 Relative Relations; Gift Concierge

     As a society with access to computers and/or smart phones, we can communicate with virtually anybody at any time, in any place, and do it relatively inexpensively. The drawback to the modern way of doing things is that the personal touch can get lost. I remember being ecstatic about receiving a letter from my Aunt Sue when I was little. She wrote a few different times, and although I would have been excited to get an email from her, there is something even more special about receiving something that someone has gone to the effort required to send by mail. 

    Now lets consider that if she wanted to send me those letters, or a card or gift, but was confined to her home or a hospital because of trauma or illness - that would have been a harder order to fill. And if she was recovering at home and not able to get up and around, it would still be tricky; she'd have to go to the store to get a card, or make one and go to the post office to buy a stamp and then mail it. Doesn't sound like much to some, but if you've lived recovery it makes more sense; physical energy is a limited commodity. Alternatively, she could ask someone to pick it out (which is not fun) or to mail it, but then she is at the mercy of another person's schedule to do it. More difficult than that however, it's hard to ask others that are being generous with their time and energy to help at this time in life already, and asking them to mail a letter isn't always easy to ask. It's not life or death, but it's important to feel like you can help make your loved ones feel valued, respected, or cherished, and to feel like you can contribute to relationships you value, whilst not overwhelming your loved ones who are already helping you accomplish said contributions. Ug.

    Guess what? Today I learned a way of sending a card without exerting any physical energy at all - inexpensively - without the need to depend on your loved ones to help you. I got a beautiful card in the mail from a friend, and was astounded how beautiful the card was, and that it was a field of wheat (makes us crazy farmers happy!). Opening it, it had pictures of those who sent the card, and a message that looked handwritten by her - which was very cool. Even the envelope looked handwritten, though I think it was typed (ie. had a personal feel). My friend used a company called SendoutCards. If you go to their site, they have different options - which are two-fold. The options I am interested in and writing about are their card products and their consumable gifts (like chocolate), or practical gifts (like a special envelope sized notebook (a cute one at that)). There is also info there about becoming a distributor and other things but I am not interested in that, and am not promoting it - just the cards and the gifts. I'm sure there are other companies that offer the same or similar services - I just happened to benefit from this one…I hope that if you consider using such a service, that it helps you feel more independent and gives you a feeling of  being more in control in whatever it is that you'd like to do in order to show loved ones that you celebrate them. Hope you have fun with it - it's like having your own personal gift concierge. 

Happy celebrating!

Tip #405 Wise Words Wednesday; Mother Teresa on Loving Others

     Do you ever feel like you can't do the things for others that you would like to do? I'm sure that is something experienced by most, but in times of great illness or trauma and all that's involved in the recovery thereof, I think that feeling can be amplified. Caregivers and survivors alike are often fatigued, and limited in terms of the financial, physical, logistical, and practical support they can now offer. Yes, I know this is true in many situations and the idea is not limited to those experiencing such traumas; many new Mom's, for instance, will tell you that they feel many of the same difficulties adjusting to a huge life change. 

     Whatever the cause of the life change, you are absolutely normal and human to feel as though you don't have as much to offer as you used to - or as much as you desperately want to start to do so now. BUT, as normal as that is, that's NOT true! Every person has something amazing to offer…. themselves!!!  The good news is that a lot can be accomplished with very little. A little thing like a "Hi honey I love you" note in your young child's lunch bag can make a big difference to them (and to you). Or, when you can't sleep at night, mentally list two great things about each of the important people in your life - then consider telling them.  Be creative and have fun with it  and others will catch that joy, and likely want to multiply it as well. Mother Teresa proved that …. She was a very wise woman, and I am excited to get to quote her…  

Happy loving!