Tip #392 Relative Relations; Gift Concierge

     As a society with access to computers and/or smart phones, we can communicate with virtually anybody at any time, in any place, and do it relatively inexpensively. The drawback to the modern way of doing things is that the personal touch can get lost. I remember being ecstatic about receiving a letter from my Aunt Sue when I was little. She wrote a few different times, and although I would have been excited to get an email from her, there is something even more special about receiving something that someone has gone to the effort required to send by mail. 

    Now lets consider that if she wanted to send me those letters, or a card or gift, but was confined to her home or a hospital because of trauma or illness - that would have been a harder order to fill. And if she was recovering at home and not able to get up and around, it would still be tricky; she'd have to go to the store to get a card, or make one and go to the post office to buy a stamp and then mail it. Doesn't sound like much to some, but if you've lived recovery it makes more sense; physical energy is a limited commodity. Alternatively, she could ask someone to pick it out (which is not fun) or to mail it, but then she is at the mercy of another person's schedule to do it. More difficult than that however, it's hard to ask others that are being generous with their time and energy to help at this time in life already, and asking them to mail a letter isn't always easy to ask. It's not life or death, but it's important to feel like you can help make your loved ones feel valued, respected, or cherished, and to feel like you can contribute to relationships you value, whilst not overwhelming your loved ones who are already helping you accomplish said contributions. Ug.

    Guess what? Today I learned a way of sending a card without exerting any physical energy at all - inexpensively - without the need to depend on your loved ones to help you. I got a beautiful card in the mail from a friend, and was astounded how beautiful the card was, and that it was a field of wheat (makes us crazy farmers happy!). Opening it, it had pictures of those who sent the card, and a message that looked handwritten by her - which was very cool. Even the envelope looked handwritten, though I think it was typed (ie. had a personal feel). My friend used a company called SendoutCards. If you go to their site, they have different options - which are two-fold. The options I am interested in and writing about are their card products and their consumable gifts (like chocolate), or practical gifts (like a special envelope sized notebook (a cute one at that)). There is also info there about becoming a distributor and other things but I am not interested in that, and am not promoting it - just the cards and the gifts. I'm sure there are other companies that offer the same or similar services - I just happened to benefit from this one…I hope that if you consider using such a service, that it helps you feel more independent and gives you a feeling of  being more in control in whatever it is that you'd like to do in order to show loved ones that you celebrate them. Hope you have fun with it - it's like having your own personal gift concierge. 

Happy celebrating!

Tip #405 Wise Words Wednesday; Mother Teresa on Loving Others

     Do you ever feel like you can't do the things for others that you would like to do? I'm sure that is something experienced by most, but in times of great illness or trauma and all that's involved in the recovery thereof, I think that feeling can be amplified. Caregivers and survivors alike are often fatigued, and limited in terms of the financial, physical, logistical, and practical support they can now offer. Yes, I know this is true in many situations and the idea is not limited to those experiencing such traumas; many new Mom's, for instance, will tell you that they feel many of the same difficulties adjusting to a huge life change. 

     Whatever the cause of the life change, you are absolutely normal and human to feel as though you don't have as much to offer as you used to - or as much as you desperately want to start to do so now. BUT, as normal as that is, that's NOT true! Every person has something amazing to offer…. themselves!!!  The good news is that a lot can be accomplished with very little. A little thing like a "Hi honey I love you" note in your young child's lunch bag can make a big difference to them (and to you). Or, when you can't sleep at night, mentally list two great things about each of the important people in your life - then consider telling them.  Be creative and have fun with it  and others will catch that joy, and likely want to multiply it as well. Mother Teresa proved that …. She was a very wise woman, and I am excited to get to quote her…  

Happy loving!

Tip #100 Picture Perfect; Somebunny to Love

     Who can resist a bunny? They are so soft, and those ears are so comical they are cute! Now, maybe you are not a "bunny" person, and that's fine by me. But, just like kittens and puppies, bunnies seem to be irresistible to children - apparently even if the bunny is stuffed!
     It's not surprising that kids can have a very hard time adjusting to having an immediate family member or close family friend being in the hospital, and in some ways, even more so if recovery is extended to the home setting. Why? Hospitals are rife with IV poles, hospital gowns, nurses, doctors, pumps, machines, and all of that other "hospital stuff." It makes sense for the hospital to be that way, after all, that's where you go when you are sick, and you stay there until you are well enough to go home. End of story. Except, in some cases it is not "end of story,"it's the middle.
     Either way, not many people have an IV pole or hospital bed in their living room. Or, if you were, for instance, in a wheelchair for a child's whole life, they don't know anything different, so they are already acclimated. But if, for example, you are someone they are accustomed to see walking, then seeing you in a wheelchair at home can be overwhelming. Frankly, that can be overwhelming for many adults too.
     The solution? If only it were that cut and dry! There is no solution, but I've learned a few things over the years as a caregiver, professional, and the one recovering. Such tips include:
a) Tell children to ask any question(s) they want (but only if they want to),
b) Tell parents to stop telling their kids that they shouldn't ask questions (especially if you've just said the child is welcome to do so!). As an aside I'll say that I actually find it more awkward when people urge their kids "Don't stare" or "Don't ask that" in a hushed and urgent tone.
c) Should a child wish to touch something like an IV line, a pump, or something else (obviously not a wound or the like), do so together (so you can control it in order to avert disaster, LOL!, and also to help them feel less intimidated)
d) A dab will do you in terms of info. If they want to know why you have a feeding tube for example, then a good answer might be, because I need to eat just like you do, but my throat doesn't work well. Usually, that's all they want and/or need.
e) Don't do or say anything to make them scared or worried about you. They're kids. Sounds like common sense I know, but if common sense was actually common we'd all just call it sense.
     So where does the bunny come into the discussion? Right now. The tips above are helpful, but not all of the time, and certainly not helpful if the child is a toddler. I've learned (entirely accidentally), what helps toddlers become unafraid… A stuffed animal. Not just any stuffed animal, but a cute one that is affixed to your intimidating accessory. My niece and nephew - Ms. D and Mr. A - gave me a bunny to hug and love when I came home from a long hospital stay. They were both in their teens at the time, and it was a very sweet gift. I wanted to see it all of the time so that I could be especially reminded of them in that hard time - it buoy's the spirit in a huge way. In the end, Mr. Bunny has served me very well, and many little ones who've come through the door too. Who knew he'd be such a powerful ambassador of "it's ok, don't be scared-ness"?
     One last tip: as you will see below, Mr. Bunny has Velcro in his ears, which makes it possible to hang him on the IV pole, while making him removable for the kids to play with (and I've since seen a lot of monkeys, bears, and other stuffed animals with the Velcro features). When kids are being held by Mom or Dad, their eyes gravitate to Mr. Bunny, and then they want to touch him and play with him. Since they have to get close to the potentially intimidating item, they soon get used to - and even want to - touch the IV pole, and the pump, etc. Before long, most of the little ones start to go straight to that bunny - they gravitate to the pole, like it's always been there and is supposed to be there, because that's where the bunny lives.
     It's crazy to me that something so little seems to stop fear in its tracks… but time and time again, we noticed the pattern (and, as I mentioned totally accidentally at that!). Who knew that giving me "somebunny" to love would have such a big impact on so many wee ones, and thus for me too? Thanks again Ms. D and Mr. A, I love you bunches, and great job too!

Happy Hugging!