Tip #104 Choosing Cheer; Why Not Me?

"Why Me Lord, What have I ever done, to deserve even one...."

     Do you recognize the opening words of this song? It's a Johnny Cash song (and I do really love all Johnny Cash music I must confess) written by Kris Kristopherson. Although I do recognize those opening lines from when I was a little girl, I assumed they meant something they don't. You know what they say about assumptions don't you? To assume makes an a__(we'll say donkey) out of "u" and me... Well, consider me a donkey then because for the longest time I thought this song was a "Why Me" whine. 

     You know what I mean don't you? It usually starts with phrases like "Why did this have to happen to me of all people" or "What did I ever do to deserve this?" or "Why am I the unlucky one?" and my personal favourite (note the sarcasm), "It's not fair! Why me?" I've truly don't understand this phenomenon. My thoughts? When you say why me of all people, you're implying that it should be someone else. Who? I wouldn't wish all of this on another human being at all. Besides, what makes me any better than you? Nothing. So, why should it happen to you instead of me? It shouldn't. 

     And the whole it's not fair thing? Where did we ever get the idea that life is supposed to be fair? Where does the manual of life say that? If you step outside in a storm, do you expect it to rain only on people who are deserving enough to be rained on? Do you see little black clouds hovering over the heads of the people you consider nasty? Of course not. Now, if this has been your train of thought, and you're upset right now, please don't give up on me yet. It sucks that what has happened to you has happened to you, and the "why me" is a common reaction. I get that, but think that it's important for anyone who starts that way to move past it. We are all entitled to our own opinions, however, and I'm okay if you don't like mine - but please hear me out anyway...

      So, please don't mistake me - I think there's no shame in being upset that something not-so-good is happening to you. There is no shame in feeling angry or devastated that you've been injured physically or emotionally, or that you are frustrated beyond belief. And, there's nothing wrong with being upset that whatever trauma you've experienced is life changing, overwhelming and mind bending. Nope, no shame in any of it, and it should be expressed rather than bottled up inside you. It is actually a good sign if you are experiencing any of those emotions. It means you are human, and that you are not in denial, and most importantly, that you are trying to cope. Emotions aren't wrong, they are what they are. To me though, there is still a HUGE difference between expressing, acknowledging, being devastated and/or overwhelmed vs. the negativity of the why me whine.  It's the "you use more muscles to frown than smile" phenomenon - the why me whine requires more energy. 

     Okay, so remember I asked you to consider me a donkey because of my incorrect assumption? Well, I meant it and I'm glad to be donkey in this case! As it turns out, the song "Why Me Lord" has absolutely nothing to do with the why me whine. Nothing at all. Let me finish the first few lines now (and if you click this link you can see them all).  

Why me Lord? What have I ever done? 
To deserve even one of the blessings I've known.Why me Lord? What did I ever do?      That was worth love from You 

And the kindness You've shown.

I love it! It is actually a song about humility, and astonishment; that grace is freely given and love is unconditional. I'm so very glad that I was wrong! Now it's one of my favourite songs (and the fact that Johnny Cash sings it doesn't hurt at all :P )!

     Ultimately, I think what I am trying most to convey is that it is okay to be devastated about circumstances. Absolutely. I'm sorry you have to go through what you do. But if you can make a choice for the "Why NOT me" stance, then I think you might get farther in your recovery, in your relationships, and in your coping. Choosing to move over to the "Why not me" camp not only feels better, but saves significant amounts of energy that are otherwise expended on the seldom-explained answer of "why me?' Why spend your energy trying to figure out why something has happened to you in particular, instead of spending that same energy on the process of recovering emotionally, physically, and for many like me, spiritually as well? Why not try it? If it doesn't work, you can call me a donkey. I promise I won't mind:)!

Happy Why-Not-me-ing!